How My Mind Meets the Page

For me to feel good about my journaling, I need to have a very cute-looking book to write in. I used to have a unique pen just for it, but I always ended up using it for everything else, losing it in the process. So now, I freestyle. 

Do you sometimes get anxious and feel like someone has read your journal? I know I do

My journal is like that one close friend that is always up to listens to my stories and allows me to be myself without judgment - they really can't, can they? [Lol] But this friend does not forget, they literally keep tabs on me!

When I journal, I always start with the first things that happened and work my way to the last things of the day. Unless I get too excited about something, then I will have to start with that thing or event.

I normally journal at night before I read my Bible and before my prayer time, but sometimes it's the other way around.

However, on some days, I don't really want to talk. I just look at the empty pages and feel like I have nothing to say or I'm just not ready to journal about it yet.

As an overthinker and someone who tends to analyze, question, and revisit thoughts or situations - sometimes words do not flow, and in those moments, I feel like only God knows what happening inside me, because I don't know it myself.

On days like that, prayer feels out of reach - my heart and mind just shut down after being hit with so much emotionally and mentally.

You will find pages in my journal where I'm just like:

"Hey Diary 

I am not feeling well today. Talk soon.

xoxo"

And that's all I can do on that day.

It doesn't always happen though, because journaling is also my coping mechanism, it's a way of coordinating my emotions and thoughts between my inner being and me.  

And you'll also find pages in my book - about two to five - where I'm ranting about every little thing. Like how I wore a cute outfit at work and felt good, or how courageous I was on that day, or just how I spoke so clearly without stuttering because my mind usually races ahead of my mouth. Little things really make me happy.

I feel like my writing style has changed throughout the years. I believe I'm more vulnerable with my pages now, and I feel like that's the whole point of journaling! 

As an emotional person and darn overthinker! I always want every little feeling or detail to be seen and validated because they matter.

Love rereading my entries, because I’m reminded that there’s more to me than I often realize. I get to laugh at myself a little and be like ''what do you mean you wrote two-pages-long entry venting about how your outfit, that you planned for 2 days, looked good in your head but flopped in person?!'' I mean, that's valid, after all I'm just a Girl.

But all in all, I love me some God because He created me to be me.

Love, 

Zimbini